HELP KENT HOVIND!

Discussion on things related to CSE, Kent, & Eric Hovind

HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby E-lad » Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:20 pm

OK. Being the humanitarian that I am, I am calling on each of you to help my buddy, Kent. He has a "decision" to make.

Now, he doesnt say what that decision is but maybe we can help him out. First of all, he'll be in prison for seven more years, so how many decisions can he logically make?

Now, going that long without some female comanionship could well force one to decide if he should be the one who drops the soap or the one to pick it up?

He just got turned down by the court to not hear any further arguments in his case. His "style" is a bit cramped at the moment, as they say.

So, how many decisions are there to make while sitting in jail for ten years...realistically? He's not gonna buy a new car. Doesn't have to go to work in the morning. Doesn't choose what to have for meals.

Do you think he's gonna try to breal out! Yay! I totally support that decision. WTF, he's a convicted tax evading felon already! Maybe since God has not answered his prayers he's mulling over the idea of converting to Islam! After all, the Muslims loves their martyrs, with the virgins and such. He could pick out some Christian inmate or guard to take out.

Here is a snippet of the post I'm referring to:

KH: Well, Lord, I’ve got a decision to make. Which one should I choose?

GOD: Oh Son! You’ve got it all wrong! Let’s go for a walk. Matthias can help you see the problem. There he is Son. Talk with him and listen carefully to his answers (1 Corinthians 10: 6, 11).

KH: OK, Lord…Excuse me sir. May I talk with you for a moment?

MA: Sure. Now how can I help you?

KH: Well, I’ve got a decision to make and God told me to talk with you. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

MA: Sure. I’m Matthias. I was a follower of John the Baptist years ago until he pointed out the Messiah at the River Jordan. Then I followed Jesus for the next three and a half years (Acts 1:21-22).

KH: I didn’t see your name in the list of disciples in any gospel.

MA: I wasn’t one of the twelve disciples but great multitudes always followed Jesus (Matthew 5:1; 8:1, 18; 9:8, 33, 36; 11:7; 12:15; 13:2; 14:22; 15:30; 19:2; 21:9). I was with him and saw it all. After His resurrection, I went with that group of 120 to Jerusalem to wait and pray for the Holy Spirit like He told us to do. It was during that ten day wait that we made the big mistake.

KH: What mistake was that?

MA: It was simple really. Looking back, I can see it clearly, but at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.

KH: Lots of mistakes are like that! What was yours?

MA: It wasn’t just mine. The whole group of us failed to see the proper way to make a decision.

KH: What happened?

MA: Well, Peter got the bright idea that we needed to replace Judas because he had killed himself (Acts 1:13-22).

KH: How did he die? One place says he hung himself (Matthew 27:5) and another says that he fell down and split open (Acts 1:18). Is there a contradiction?

MA: No. He did hang himself but the rope broke and he fell down and broke open. Both are true. Anyway, once Peter told us about needing to pick a new disciple, which Psalm 69:25 and Psalm 109:8 seemed to confirm, we all thought it was a great idea. So, we set some reasonable qualifications (Acts 1:21-22) and selected two (v. 23) who met the qualifications. Then we prayed, cast lots, and I was chosen (v. 24-26).

KH: Sounds like a good way to know God’s will in the matter.

MA: No! No! No! Don’t you see the problem?

KH: What problem?

MA: The whole thing was backwards. Look at this carefully. Peter made the decision before any of us had the Holy Spirit to guide us. He came a few days later (Acts 2). Secondly, we set the qualifications without the Holy Spirit’s leadership or guidance. Thirdly, we selected two men that met our pre-determined qualifications and then, fourthly, prayed for God to guide the casting of the lot! Duh! How is God supposed to get into that mess?

KH: I see what you mean! You did have it all backwards.

MA: Yes! First we should have waited for the Holy Spirit like Jesus told us to do. It’s dangerous to go off making big decisions without His leadership.

That’s for sure! King Saul did that several times (1 Samual 15; 18:10; 19:1; 22:7-19) and King Amaziah, though he was a good man in many ways, did not ask God to guide him (2 Kings 14:8) and it cost lots of people their lives! Even Joshua forgot to ask God a few times (Joshua 7; 9). Nearly every person listed in God’s Word has done that a time or two.

KH: I know and we sure did that day! God didn’t want any of us to be the twelfth apostle. He wanted Paul, who got saved later (Romans 1:1). There was no way we could have known that in those days. We should have waited like Jesus told us to do. Peter’s bright idea sounded so good but it was all wrong. I can see it now. God hadn’t chosen me. I’m never mentioned again in scripture.


[Blah blah blah- more self serving sanctimonious bullshit]

I feel kinda guilty about my criticism of ol' Kent, and his brain dead spawn, Eric, so how about we help him out. Let's anticipate what momentous decision that would require all these talks with God and be ready to advise Kent when the time is right.

Let's show our benevolent side and come up with some good ideas.

Respectfully submitted,

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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby BeamStalk » Fri Feb 05, 2010 2:41 pm

He surely knows how to redefine scripture. I know, we can look at the actual Bible passages he is talking about.

Acts 1 wrote:12Then they returned to Jerusalem from the hill called the Mount of Olives, a Sabbath day's walk[b] from the city. 13When they arrived, they went upstairs to the room where they were staying. Those present were Peter, John, James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James. 14They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.

15In those days Peter stood up among the believers[c] (a group numbering about a hundred and twenty) 16and said, "Brothers, the Scripture had to be fulfilled which the Holy Spirit spoke long ago through the mouth of David concerning Judas, who served as guide for those who arrested Jesus— 17he was one of our number and shared in this ministry."

18(With the reward he got for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. 19Everyone in Jerusalem heard about this, so they called that field in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.)

20"For," said Peter, "it is written in the book of Psalms,
" 'May his place be deserted;
let there be no one to dwell in it,'[d] and,
" 'May another take his place of leadership.'[e] 21Therefore it is necessary to choose one of the men who have been with us the whole time the Lord Jesus went in and out among us, 22beginning from John's baptism to the time when Jesus was taken up from us. For one of these must become a witness with us of his resurrection."

23So they proposed two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24Then they prayed, "Lord, you know everyone's heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs." 26Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.


I don't see anything about a hanging here but that is another bit of revision, done by fundagelicals (because the Bible CAN'T be wrong!!!!!111!!11!!!11!).

The next part is Acts 2 and the day of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit came. There is nothing that ever says what they did was wrong. They prayed before and during what they did.

In Acts 6, they have to choose 7 more people to help because their numbers are too big. This is all before Paul of Tarsus is on the scene.

Kent is full of shit.
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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby BathTub » Fri Feb 05, 2010 2:54 pm

Clearly he's trying to figure out which doofus should take over CSE!
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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby E-lad » Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:06 pm

BathTub wrote:Clearly he's trying to figure out which doofus should take over CSE!



Aha! That could be it!
Perhaps Eric's bro? He's the grphic artist though. I think Eric is the clear pretender to the throne. Or Kent may try to hold the kingship till he gets out.
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Maybe we'll see some infighting, family meltdown- Robert Schuller- like.
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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby Don » Fri Feb 05, 2010 4:49 pm

I bet seeing Eric sucking Syes dick didn't help calm ole Kent. Kent is bat shit crazy, but he's a motivated bat shit crazy. I don't think Eric's heart is in it. Maybe he just wants to work the candy counter at Dino Adventure land.
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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby E-lad » Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:38 pm

Don wrote:I bet seeing Eric sucking Syes dick didn't help calm ole Kent. Kent is bat shit crazy, but he's a motivated bat shit crazy. I don't think Eric's heart is in it. Maybe he just wants to work the candy counter at Dino Adventure land.



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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby Benjamin Franklin » Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:54 pm

I think his decision is regarding which gang he joins in prison to end the nightly buttfucking and forced fellatio he now finds himself subjected to.

Lets see - Aryan Brotherhood,______________________________ or Skinheads?

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Re: HELP KENT HOVIND!

Postby E-lad » Sat Feb 06, 2010 1:41 am

After watching his videos, I think Kent will be the whiney fem.
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